


of lame pick up lines and barely coherent texts

by CountessCzan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: @ twitter haikyuufb im looking at u, Crack Relationships, LOOK IT'S NOT MY FAULT, M/M, Rare Pairings, crackship, hahahahahha, it's their fault their rp inspire dme, konoha can't text for shit, konouka, omf what is this, rarepair, with some pictures??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:11:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5385515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountessCzan/pseuds/CountessCzan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inuoka Sou receives a number of strange, undecipherable texts from an unknown number.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of lame pick up lines and barely coherent texts

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu!!
> 
> A/N: THIS IS INSPIRED by the RP of haikyuufb twitter owners and I'm just. Idk. I said "guys pls you're tempting me to write that fic" and they all went "just do it! do it" so I did and this is it.
> 
> The undecipherable texts are courtesy of [sunnhy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnhy) , Konoha Akinori's actual RPer. The Konoha language is something I must never try to write. lmao.
> 
> THIS IS SLIGHTLY CRACK OKAY.
> 
> Your thoughts are always welcome! :)

_One new message received._  
_From: Unknown Email Address_  
  
_Message:_   **hEyy i so U 2dey in th e strEets n i wd gn a ask u 4 a m apP bcuz i gut lsot i n ur eyyez But thn u ran aweuy??? rood**  
  
“What.” Inuoka blankly stated, staring in exasperation at his phone, trying and miserably failing not to cringe at the message. It was the third day of the training camp, the weather was horrible due to the intense heat it kept on giving to the volleyball players, and everyone was slightly irritated by it. Inuoka was no exception. Today had been a trying day, and receiving this shit after their practice is the coup de grace to his day.  
  
“Eh? Inuoka, what’s wrong?” asked Hinata, bouncing like his energy seemed endless. Kenma yawned besides him. Inuoka wanted to jump along with Hinata, but unfortunately, his legs were aching like they’ve been pounded under a meat grinder and his whole body was depleted of its energy.  
  
“Ah, there’s just someone who’s been sending me a lot of weird texts since the training camp started,” replied Inuoka.  
  
Hinata gasped dramatically, then made a noise of “Uooooh!”. “Inuoka, you have a stalker?!”  
  
“Geh?! Inuoka has a stalker?” A shout was heard from the corner of the gym, and Hinata and Inuoka looked to that general vicinity of the voice and spotted Taketora Yamamoto. (Kenma didn’t even look up from the screen of his handheld gaming device.) Yamamoto ran towards them.  
  
“Inuoka?! Who’s been stalking you?! I swear I’ll crush them for harming my kouhai! Who is it?!” demanded Yamamoto, shaking Inuoka’s shoulders.  
  
“You’ve got it wrong--” blurted Inuoka desperately, trying to stop Yamamoto’s movements. “Nobody’s stalking me! Nobody at all! Hinata was exaggerating, Yamamoto-san!”  
  
“Heeeh?” said Kuroo, who appeared out of nowhere and was suddenly glued to Kenma’s side. “Then why does chibi-chan seem to think that someone’s stalking you?”  
  
“Someone’s been sending Inuoka anonymous messages,” mumbled Kenma, eyes not flicking away from his handheld. “It’s been going on since the first day of the camp.”  
  
Inuoka flushed beet red. “K-K-Kenma-san! How did you know that?!”  
  
“I saw.”  
  
“Heeeeeh?” repeated Kuroo, wearing the same cat-eating grin, “since first day, eh? Why didn’t you tell any of us?”  
  
“I’m sure it’s just a prank, Kuroo-san,” answered Inuoka earnestly, trying to convince his captain not to complicate matters. Kai and Yaku has already been attracted by the noise of Taketora’s yelling, Hinata’s loud voice, and Kuroo’s penchant for mischief. Inuoka thanked the gods that Lev was nowhere to be seen. “Here, let me show you. It’s so hard to understand, even harder than when Hinata butt texted me one night.”  
  
“Gyaah! Inuoka, that’s not fair!” came an indignant squawk from the only crow in a group of cats.  
  
The Nekoma team (plus one Karasuno) crowded around Inuoka’s phone as they squinted on the text that appeared on the screen.  
  
“Is that even human language,” wondered Yaku as he passed the phone to Kai. Kai snorted and shook his head.  
  
“Let me see, let me see,” requested Hinata. The phone was passed to him and he read the text.  
  
Hinata had a look of concentration on his face. “ _Hey.. I saw you today on the streets.. and.. I wanted.. no, was gonna ask you for a map because.. I got lost in your eyes? But then you ran away? Rude_.”  
  
All the players present stared at him. Inuoka gaped at him, and gaped more at his suggestive words.  
  
“What?” mumbled Hinata defensively. “That’s how Kageyama types.”  
  
Kenma unexpectedly snorted.

“Then, could you translate the rest of it?” requested Inuoka, blinking. It’s not as if he wants to read it, it’s just.. very curious. Even when Inuoka said it must be a prank, it feels too.. different. Why would anyone prank Inuoka in the first place anyway?  
  
“Ahh, okay, wait..”  
  
_Message:_ **r U a thfief??? ? diD u tek the ☆Syrs ☆☆ n puTdem in ur eyz??? lo llol**  
  
“This one’s easy, Inuoka. You could read it yourself,” commented Kuroo, cutting off Hinata’s chance to speak. _“Are you a thief? Did you take the stars and put them in your eyes? Lolol_.”  
  
Yamamoto yelled. “Uryaaaah! SOMEONE’S FLIRTING WITH MY KOUHAI?! HOW DARE YOU, INUOKA, GETTING A LOVE LIFE BEFORE ME!”  
  
“That’s not true, Yamamoto-san,” protested Inuoka to no avail. Even the rest of his team was snickering. (Inuoka, again, thanked the gods that Lev was still nowhere to be seen.)  
  
“Here’s another one,” said Shibayama eagerly. Inuoka groaned.  
  
_Message_ : **dAt sp iky brwn grAss on ur he a d luks fine as hll b rujH**  
  
“ _That spiky brown grass on your head looks fine as hell bruh_.” This time, it came from Kai, his senpai Kai who was so laidback and calm and supportive and everything a senpai should be.  
  
“W-w-what the heck is that?” squeaked Inuoka out of embarassment. He patted his brown mop of hair, a little bit insecure. _Spiky brown grass?_  
  
“Well, it looks like you’ve got an admirer, Inuoka-chan~” leered his captain at him. Everyone laughed goodnaturedly, patting him a good luck on the back.  
  
All Inuoka wanted was to eat dinner, take a bath, and rest for the night.  
  
He absolutely _did not_ want an admirer.  


* * *

  
Dinner consisted of delicious foods, but what made Inuoka ecstatic was that it contained fried chicken.  
  
Granted, it didn’t taste like his father’s fried chicken (the best fried chicken in Inuoka’s opinion), and it was a _tatsuta age fried chicken_ which was different from his usual taste, but it was chicken and it was _fried_ and Inuoka was hungry. So on he went to grab dinner, burying the thoughts of a text pranker-slash-possible-admirer deep down inside his subconscious.  
  
After finishing his first serving, Inuoka stood up and walked towards the counter again, shyly approaching the Ubugawa manager that was on charge of handing out food.  
  
“Seconds?” she asked cheerfully and Inuoka handed his plate to her.  
  
“Two fried chickens and some rice, please.”  
  
“Same as his.” A hand holding an empty plate appeared from Inuoka’s left, and he glanced and saw a dirty-blonde player roughly the same height as him smirking. Inuoka recognized him as one of Fukurodani’s regulars, a wing spiker.  
  
“Gotcha,” said the Ubugawa manager as she took both their plates.  
  
The Fukurodani player turned to Inuoka. “You’re one of Kuroo’s, aren’t you?”  
  
“Sorry?” replied Inuoka, confused. “Ah! You mean I’m one of Nekoma? Yes, I am. Middle blocker, first year.” He finished off proudly.  
  
“And your name?”  
  
“A-ah, Inuoka Sou.”  
  
“Inuoka, hm?” mused the other guy. “I’m Konoha Akinori. Third year, wing spiker, Fukurodani.”  
  
“You’re a senpai?” Inuoka’s eyes automatically flitted up and down Konoha’s figure. He was shorter than Inuoka. Konoha looked amused, obviously knowing Inuoka’s thoughts.  
  
“Yeah, I’m a senpai, what of it?” asked Konoha nonchalantly, lifting an eyebrow at Inuoka.  
  
Whatever Inuoka’s reply was cut off by the arrival of the Ubugawa manager. She smiled at them.  
  
“Here, fried chicken and rice for both of you! Sorry, we only had three left so one for each and.. Who’s going to have the other one?”  
  
“Me.” Said both Inuoka and Konoha at the same time.  
  
Inuoka wanted to respect a senpai from other school, but really, he’s still hungry and it’s fried chicken. “Fried chicken’s my favorite,” he informed Konoha.  
  
“What a coincidence, so is mine.”  
  
“..I’m hungry?”  
  
“I am, too.”  
  
“We could split?” suggested Inuoka.  
  
“And what if I don’t want to?” retorted Konoha.  
  
Inuoka frowned. “Then I’ll get to have it.”  
  
Smirking, Konoha ruffled Inuoka’s hair. “Just kidding, first year, you can have it.” He winked at Inuoka. “See ya tomorrow, night~”  
  
Strangely, it left Inuoka rather flustered.

 

* * *

  
  
Inuoka woke up to the sound of a buzzing phone near his ear. When he looked around, all he saw was darkness and the faint outline of his team mates sleeping peacefully on the floor. (Perhaps a little bit too peacefully, considering Lev’s snores.)  
  
“Gueh?” he mumbled sleepily as his fingers operated his phone. It was 11:43 PM. Inuoka’s spirits awakened. It might be an emergency from his parents.  
  
No such luck. It was from an unregistered number.  
  
_Unknown:_ **heyyeyyy Yoo bbabe wake y wakeyy**  
  
_Inuoka:_ **who’s this?**  
  
_Unknown_ : **wudlnt u leik 2 kno??? ;))**  
  
_Inuoka:_ **it’s too late for this I’m trying to sleep. What do you want?**  
  
_Unknown:_ **i wnt u i nid u iN ma laif.**  
  
_Inuoka:_ **What??**  
  
_Unknown:_ **ur soO cuti e patootie n uUr smail so braight.**  
  
_Inuoka:_ **I’m not interested in talking to you pls**  
  
_Unknown_ : **oOo o butt ma deer babeb am deifntely dfeefff 100% interdtsted in u.**  
  
_Inuoka_ : **Go away, please, stop this prank or w/e**  
  
_Unknown_ : **woOt?!! ! nuuuh. dis is Not A Prznk.**  
  
_Inuoka_ : **get lost im going to sleep now**  
  
_Unknown:_ **godd ngihty naiht n sweaT dreims (i well b ther) babeb ;) ;)) ;)) :****

* * *

  
  
_Unknown:_   **id ddtate u**  
** > dtate* **  
** > dtee* **  
** > fkkck merry me**  
  
“Inuoka, why are you smiling?” asked Shibayama as they tallied down the scores.  
  
“No reason,” answered Inuoka simply, silently turning off his phone.

 

* * *

 

 _Unknown:_ **i dun now Yur nem buT it oki iLl coll u Babeb**  
  
_Inuoka:_ **Sou.**  
  
_Unknown:_ **sOu babeb ;)))**  
  
“Inuoka! Stop looking at your phone! Get to those flying falls!” barked his captain, Kuroo, as Inuoka hastily threw his phone on his bag.  
  
“Yes, captain!”

 

* * *

  
  
By the fifth day, after a tiring match with Shinzen, Inuoka has had enough.  
  
_Unknown:_ **moa r Liek ure A str urslf u Shin e so braght evry1 gets bliNd arnd u**  
  
Inuoka called.  
  
It rang.  
  
Accross the gym, where the Fukurodani Academy camped out their bags and drinks, a barely heard music played.  
  
“Oi, Konoha, your phone’s ringing!”  
  
“Yes yes~”  
  
Inuoka watched, mouth slightly open as the Fukurodani wing spiker he met days earlier opened his phone and spoke to it. At the same time, the intended person on the other end of Inuoka’s phone call spoke.  
  
“ _Yes, babe?”_  
  
No way.  
  
“Um,” greeted Inuoka. “Er.”  
  
His eyes met with Konoha Akinori, who was, it seemed, the perpetrator of the pranks. Or maybe his secret admirer. Who knows. Inuoka himself had yet to determine whether Unkn-- Konoha was serious or not.

So. Inuoka gathered his wits together. “I didn’t understand your last text. Care to repeat it?”  
  
Konoha smiled. _“Mm. I said, you’re more like a star who shines so bright everyone gets blind around you.”_  
  
“Oh. I. Uh. Thanks?”  
  
“ _You’re welcome, Sou. Oh, look, we’re playing next each other. See ya in court~”_  
  
The phone call ended. Inuoka stared at his phone.  
  
Buzz.  
  
_Unknown_ : **bu t Pls babeb dun mek me bliNsd??? i wna luk @ u 5ever**  
  
He smiled.  


* * *

 

_epilogue_

 

 _"What the fuck is this shit?"_ muttered Kuroo as he scrolled down his timeline.

  


 

"I think Konoha has infected Inuoka."

"Astute observation, Kenma."

 

_**finis** _


End file.
